Wife and I

[NTD]

I made mention on another thread that my wife and I were having some troubles.  Some of the stuff has been going on for years, some of the stuff is more recently surfaced.  I knew things weren't going well but I had no idea what to do because she wouldn't tell me, I knew she was unhappy but not why.  I kept playing a guessing game and doing everything I could but I seemed to get the same reaction no matter what I did or didn't do.  I must admit that the last 6 months I just decided to stop trying anything and see if it would prompt her to finally address it.  Well that backfired.  I asked her 2 weeks ago what she wanted.  She answered with separation.  That was really a blow because I felt like I'd never been given a chance to right my wrongs because I didn't know what I was doing wrong.  I asked her to consider giving an honest effort to working on our marriage and communicating the problems she has with me and to follow that up with a chance for me to work on those things.  She agreed.  So we are working on things and airing out some laundry...Well damn, the poor woman has been bottling things up from 7 years ago, not necessarily things I did wrong but decisions I made for us that she is regretting and kind of holding against me now.  Well we've got a lot of work ahead of us, I'm just happy to have a chance. 

Might have been "too much info" for some of you guys but I figured I should explain that a bit.  And it's also a bit of why I haven't been cranking in the garage on bows. 

[Keenan]

Sorry to hear that Nate.  Been there before myself. Keeping you both in the prayers.

[cracker]

I hope it all works out for you. You're willing to work on it that's one thing in you're favor. Good luck. Ronnie

[fishfinder401]

i have no exerience with this stuff, but i truly hope the best for you two,
you'll be in my prayers
noel

[Justin Snyder]

Im so glad you are trying to work things out. We will be praying for the best for you.

I must say I have been truly blessed. My wife is very good at communicating and not getting overly emotional about it.

[ken75]

bows are fun but not improtant , rebuild your family , and my prayers are with you
ken

[Buckeye Guy]

AMEN to that Ken !
NTD if you are wanting counseling PM me ! I am associated with a couple of diff good groups , would be willing to find some on In your area that knows there stuff for you !
Put all your strength and efforts into it now while you can!
We are all praying for you !!
Guy

[Gus]

You have our prayers and best wishes NTD.

-gus

[JW_Halverson]

Hey Nate, I know the feeling.  I was in a kind of reversed role relationship for years.  I would talk about my feelings and she built walls.  I tried everything from asking yes/no questions, open ended questions, I tried just sitting and listening, I purposely tried to pick fights hoping she'd get so mad she would say something-anything!  Eventually I tried what you did, I waited her out.  Anyone ever try to wait out a mad woman?!?!?

At the very end, my employer told me to use the counseling service that my benefits offered and I scheduled three marraige counseling sessions.  She never showed up.  Never expected to hear a board certified psychologist specializing in saving marriages tell me to cut losses and run!

You can count yourself lucky she is bringing up things from 7 years ago, she's talking.  I wish you three all the best. 

[mullet]

 Nate;
 I'm sorry to hear this news but glad you two are at least gonna try to work it out. I've been married 34 years and came close myself two or three times. I told the marriage Counselor she was full of crap and that time I was right and my wife and started talking and straightened everything out ourselves. But I've been blessed to have a wife talk to me in a LOUD voice since then when I'm screwing up and sometimes she's right and sometimes we're both right. But the key to it I think is communicating and taking time in a busy schedule to do it and also be a good listener.

 And, I read in Dear Abby a long time ago and this piece of advice has helped me out a lot, If you have a disagreement or argument, work it out before you go to bed. It'll save you both from being miserable till you do.

If I can help or you want to talk, you have my number, call me anytime.

[CherokeeKC]

I feel you NTD.  Know exactly what your going through.  And you are right, be happy that you have a chance to work it out and that she hasnt "blocked you out and put a wall up" and is just done with the whole thing.  So concentrate on the good in the situation and hopefully everything will work out and be better than before!! Believe me it can happen!  Best of luck and ill pray for you guys

[JackCrafty]

Wow.  Not an easy situation.  I wish for a good outcome for you, Nate.  Hang in there...it's worth the effort.

[Jimbob]

Dont know if your the praying type but you are in my prayers. 

[criveraville]

Nate,

In just a few days we have all witnessed a miricle on here. I felt pain for you and didn't know what to  say when you posted that your wife wanted to leave. Now she wants to stay and work it out?!?! Brother that right there is a miricle.

I heard this once and I'm going to share it with you. When God joined Adam and Eve He healed their wounds in there sides and joined them as whole and healed. Yet we all come or have come into our relationships with wounds that have not been healed. Many times they have not even been addressed. It is hard to make a mariage work when both husband and wife come together wounded. That's where the communication, counseling, church or whatever it takes to make your relationship beautiful. Not just "make it work." God didn't intend for is to just make it work. We were created to enjoy the best. Nothing less.

As hard ad it may be at times we are commanded to love our wife above all else and to honor her. When you do that miricles happen and what you thought was not possible not only happens, but it's even better than before. Like Jimbob said. I don't know if you are a praying man, but that's what I know.

You do not have to be right. And your wife does not have to be wrong. But you do have to love and honor her. If you do that it will not matter who is right. I don't think you can do this. I KNOW you can do what it takes for you to make your relationship full of joy and love for you and your wife and your little one. Court her again. Remember back when you just wanted that first date and do the things you did that compelled her to say, "I do."

Most of all don't just try, but do. If it means you bid your farewells now, I would be happy for you knowing that you and your family were happily united in a loving relationship. Ken is right. And unfortuanatley too many times us men put way too many things and people above our wives. Sit down and make a list of how you spend your time. Your wife, child and work should be at the top. If they are not, then remake the list until they are.

I have known to many amigos that I grew up with that have not been given the opportunity you have been given and they are now single. Take this opportunity and blossom where you have been planted. Go back to being that young man that your wife picked as her husband. Invictous... Nate.. Invictous...

It takes a lot of courage and honesty to do what you have done. Now turn it into action.

 am praying for you and your family.

Cipriano

[johnston]

Nate the good news is, it ain't over and y'all still got a shot to grab the golden ring.

Lane