Primitive Archer
Main Discussion Area => Bows => Topic started by: Easternarcher on September 16, 2007, 06:01:08 pm
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If your daughter(s) and/or wife told you they didn't like the trophy mounts on the wall and all teh magazines, or videos of hunting and archery...then told you they had to go, would you remove said mounts from the den, quit hunting, and or remove all hunting paraphenalia to a distance room or basement, just to make THEM happy?
Maybe depends on the situation I know...my two girls have used it as excuse not to visit me anymore....this may get pulled but I'd like a concenus as to how you all would handle it.
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If your daughter(s) and/or wife told you they didn't like the trophy mounts on the wall and all teh magazines, or videos of hunting and archery...then told you they had to go, would you remove said mounts from the den, quit hunting, and or remove all hunting paraphenalia to a distance room or basement, just to make THEM happy?
Maybe depends on the situation I know...my two girls have used it as excuse not to visit me anymore....this may get pulled but I'd like a concenus as to how you all would handle it.
Sounds like it's an uphill battle. It's probably just an excuse, and I feel for you man, but I don't think you can win. Once that's gone, it'll be something else. It'll always be something else. If it isn't though, try leaving your stuff at a buddy or family member's place. "Out of sight, out of mind" as they say.
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That's a toughy!! I don't have an answer, Hopefully ya'll will find a happy medium somewhere :-\.
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That depends,
Are they asking this,due to it takeing over the decor of the hiouse and is it cluttering?If that is the case,then if they live there too,its only fair.If it is for Pollitical reasons,then that is a different story.Were you a hunter,and had this stuff,before said Wife?If so,then thats who you were when she met ya,and she can deal with it.If she cant,then ,It was nice knowin ya.My first wife,tried to change who i was to suit her new friends and their Ideals.Hence the Ex,in her Title.
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talk to them and tell em how much that stuff means to ya. but if it means losing your kids then lose the heads. kids are more important then collecting a bunch of crap. as for quitin hunting. no way . id slow down but not quit. there would have to be compromise. peace
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I have to agree with Traxx and Jamie. My family is the most important part of my life. Having said that, the reason for them asking you to remove it is important. I would certainly remove them from the den or family areas. I have a filing system for all my magazines I wish to keep. They stay in the cabinet in the garage. Only the last couple of issues of PA are inside my night stand drawer. Nobody asked me to move them out, but I could see it was clutter like Traxx said. I could give away all my hunting equipment and heads and magazines, but the hunter would still be inside the house, only the symptoms would be gone. I would ask for them to decide on an area where I can display my trophies and be myself. Justin
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I got the impression the girls don't live with you??? If what brings you pleasure, and is a great part of your life isn't respected.....then I personally wouldn't be seeing my kids for a while!!! I would explain I loved them, and don't want to offend them in any way BUT.... they MUST except you for who, and what you are (a hunter)......to give in would in my opinion, would be to concede to doing something wrong....unless you feel you are???? Is there a wife that does not agree with hunting??? If she in using this as a way to make you bend to her belief system...I personally would be very upset!!!
Brian
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Boys, I've already moved the heads to a spare room that's my bow building shop off the house....but as one of you already said, they've already found somthing else to lever against me. I never exposed them to the dead game I brought home, or asked them to eat it at the table, so that's not it.
Yes, I was a hunter LOOOONG before she came into the picture, and she is now also gone, for other reasons..I never had the chance to expose my girls to the things I enjoy...not just hunting, but archery itself, fishing, camping, the GREAT OUTDOORS, etc.
It's a long sad story, and I wish they would accept me for me, but no..Uphill battle, oooohhhh yeah!
Sorry, don't mean to dampen the pre-season excitement....
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It sounds like to me and my wife like you are dealing with a controlling,manipulated person.I'm sorry to hear your children are caught up in the middle of it.Maybe on visitation days you could ,Slowly,introduce them to walks in the woulds and dealing with nature.
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It sounds like to me and my wife like you are dealing with a controlling,manipulated person.I'm sorry to hear your children are caught up in the middle of it.Maybe on visitation days you could ,Slowly,introduce them to walks in the woulds and dealing with nature.
Well Mullet, I tried that too! Also tried to get them to go fishing here at the river or even canoeing....they about flipped their collective lids.
ANyway...I don't want to use this forum as a "crying shoulder". It's just very frustrating that they don't accept or want to see what it is that Dad loves so much in the woods...Thanks for listening.
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May I ask how old these daughters are? If they are adults, then i'm sorry but they would just have to accept me for who I am. Who you are has been no secret to them and they shouldn't expect yoou to change.
If these are children, than that's a different story all together. If you don't have custody of them and there mother is against you and what you do... Oh brother. As hard as it may be to accept, this is a battle that you will likely loose.
All you can do is slooowy introduce the beauty of the outdoors and the idea of hunting to them. Try to explain the cycle of life and that all things are put here by GOD for us to use responsibly. All the while preparing yourself for the possibility that they may never see things your way.
I wish you the best, Shannon Walker
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my sister has the same kind of problem with my father. he is a hunter and has trophys in HIS house where I visit as often as I can. My sister is 13 now and says she can't sleep because of the moose horns on the wall in another room. I know it's not about it, but saying that it is is ridiculous.
I feel for ya man. the earth remains.
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I have to agree that my family is the most important thing to me but also the way I figure it is if they love me as much as I love them they will have to understand,I put up with there stuff so
they would just have to put up with mine.Thank goodness I have never had that problem.I do
have a sister in law that won't come to my house because of my heads and stuff,but that is a good thing. ;D
Pappy
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Kegan is right. There's more of a dynamic going on here than your hunting and things related to it. I think you need to get some help. See a counselor. The relationship between you and your daughters is worth going the "extra mile". It sure sounds like that is important to you. Jawge
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Maybe it wouldnt hurt to put into writing explaining to them what the great out doors-hunting means to you an d maybe tie that into something they feel strongly about and maybe find some common ground. Good luck. Auggie.
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Sounds to me like someone is filling your daughter's heads full of garbage and brainwashing them for vindictive reasons, not a good situation. If so, like has already been said, it will be something else used against you if you get rid of all the hunting stuff that means so much to you. Don't change who you are. Children shouldn't be used as weapons.
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Sorry to hear about this. I have had problems with my x-wife not letting me put my ancestural item in the house. I had to put my foot down and tell her that I live in this house too and she is not the only one to be able to decorate the rooms the way she wanted. She had her family photos on the walls and shelves but would not let me put up my stuff. Dont have to worry about this any more as the lady I'm now with is also Native American. I have a friend who married a Russian woman and she told him, no more hunting or fishing. I guess he thinks somethings are more important :o :-* .This guy lived for hunting and fishing but she has something he wanted more. There will be problems in that relationship.
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I probably shouldnt reply right now as I am boiling mad over a similar issue, I just read this post as I was fuming. My girlfriend came to live with me, bows and arrows no longer hang on the walls. Then they got moved to the garage. Now my reading material is always filed away instead of on my nightstand. Now I spend too much time talking to archery friends on the phone, My once a month archery meets are too much, going out and building bows in the morning is taking too much time. I have had it and something is going to change around here today!!! Steve
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Everyone....your support is heartwarming really, but I don't want to be the catalyst to something uglier than what I have right now...let's keep a cool head and think things over before we act or speak out.
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My take on it is if this is just about your den, well, it's your den. What you want in your den is your business. If someone wants you to change who you are or what you like to do, or how you like to decorate your own very personal space then that is controlling behaviour of the most basic kind. As someone else said, it is this now, do it and later it will be something else until you have lost who you are, what you like to do etc. the only way to fight this kind of manipulation is to expose it for what it is, challenge the right the controller feels to tell you who to be and what to like.
If this is an issue in the general areas of shared space around the house, then I think a compromise may be in order. A compromise something along the lines of you get to keep your stuff in the den or garage in your space and the woman(women) of your life get to choose dead-animal free decore, women are kind of funny about this for some reason. I'd like my axe collection above the mantle piece but the wife isn't keen for similar reasons! They tend to like pastel colours, flowers, lacey curtain and far too many scatter cushions. Almost never do women crave the heads of dead animals on their walls! If you find one be careful, maybe she is a man! No offence intended just in case there are women who like animals forcing themselves headfirst through the walls!
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Almost never do women crave the heads of dead animals on their walls! If you find one be careful, maybe she is a man!
Now that is just plain funny. Justin
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I wouldn't change anything, kids aren't stupid, they'll get to a point where they'll realize someone has been filling their heads with crap, If you love them and they love you it will all fall into place and the manipulating person will end up losing in the end.
VB
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Go get her badger!!!!! >:D ;D Men costantly bend for women....there has been reference to it here several times here...remember you are a man...take a stand!!!
Badger's example is VERY typical of a womens slow deliberate actions to impose their likes/beliefs. They carefully pass these traits on to their daughters....learning to NOT get what they want from their father, will in the long run HOPEFULLY teach these young ladies to RESPECT a mans negotiated "space." All things in life that have to do with relationships are negotiated, and when one lays ultimative language to the other, it is time to walk!!!!
I as well am interested in the age of these girls....girls in the teen yrs seem to be more apt to adopt a animal activist attitude tward hunting as it may be the "IN" thing within their social group...I have seen it many times. Tear it down with facts, as they are generally emotionally connected through friendships to "fit" what the group of friends believe. Do they still eat fast food, meat, eggs??? explain where, and how it is obtained....if they are vegans...you may be scr#wed!!!
Unless you were a non-hunter when you met your ex-wife, she through the decision of getting married excepted your life style.....she may not have agreed, but she did except it....as your daughters should do as well!!
Brian
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What is that saying? A woman marries a man thinking he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman thinking she won't change, but she does. :)
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Easternarcher, never underestimate the POWER of PRAYER....Brian
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Amen to what you both sayd Pat and Koan....AMEN !!!
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Some good advice here! Never been married and dont have children (that I know of!!! ;D) But, I will say that maybe when they come over put a note on the door telling them you are at the dock ready to go fishing and if they want to just sit arround on the porch they are happy to or they can come join you for a day with dad. If they are children arround 10 - 13 this will likley work if not then they should learn your world does not revolve arround them but is a place where you and your children can meet together. Just sad to hear you are having such trouble.
David T
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I feel your pain, being forced to chose either doing what you love or being with the ones you love. That is so sad. :'(
Life is short do what brings you joy and happiness. If the kids can't handle it so be it, sounds to me like their old enough
to make their own choices. Don't shut them out by any means but continue with your pursuits anyway.
My wife loves to hunt and fish but she still has her rules for me ::) Heres a pic of her 2006 buck, shes waiting for
it to come back from the taxidermists.
[attachment deleted by admin]
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Go get her badger!!!!! >:D ;D Men costantly bend for women....there has been reference to it here several times here...remember you are a man...take a stand!!!
Badger's example is VERY typical of a womens slow deliberate actions to impose their likes/beliefs. They carefully pass these traits on to their daughters....learning to NOT get what they want from their father, will in the long run HOPEFULLY teach these young ladies to RESPECT a mans negotiated "space." All things in life that have to do with relationships are negotiated, and when one lays ultimative language to the other, it is time to walk!!!!
I as well am interested in the age of these girls....girls in the teen yrs seem to be more apt to adopt a animal activist attitude tward hunting as it may be the "IN" thing within their social group...I have seen it many times. Tear it down with facts, as they are generally emotionally connected through friendships to "fit" what the group of friends believe. Do they still eat fast food, meat, eggs??? explain where, and how it is obtained....if they are vegans...you may be scr#wed!!!
Unless you were a non-hunter when you met your ex-wife, she through the decision of getting married excepted your life style.....she may not have agreed, but she did except it....as your daughters should do as well!!
Brian
Girls are 10 and 13 (just) and yes, they love their burgers and such...as I see it, it was just an excuse to use against me....their loyalty is with Mom. As much as I've tried, I can't even get them off the couch these days. What kid doesn't like playing around in a canoe???or splashing around in the swimming hole..Not unless it is a clorinated public pool! They do think with all seriousness that the world revolves around them and they get what they want (from Mom)..I'm the bad guy because I ask for respect and reasonable conversation from them.
I've really started something here haven't I?
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Way to go Mrs. Dana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My live in partner is also now into hunting thanks to me. Got her a gun a few years back and she loves to go hunting. Sit with her dad most times, was with him when he got his last deer. Sorry to hear about the tug-a-war with kisd and ex-wife (?). Know all about that.
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You are who you are - you cannot deny it. Make peace with it even if your girls can't or won't. Your daughters love you even if they don't realize it now. Someday they will come around and embrace you for who you are. My prayers are with you.
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Man, this sucks. My wife doesn't want dead animals on "her" walls. I do have a few walls and I keep telling her tat WHEN I get a big one it IS going on the wall. Fortunately, it has been many years since I started that and by the time I actually get one I'll have her worn down. :P As long as I'm not running around on her she doesn't care that I hunt. The last one did that.
10 and 13, huh? Tough age for anyone, especially parents. And I'm guessing from how you said they won't visit anymore that maybe they don't live with you? If so, it's your personal space... the whole house. But on the other hand I know you want to see them. Take them to a game, shopping, movies or something. If you make your time with them out of the house after a while a with prayer they will come around. The mom is the problem. Children that age get their ideas from parents and peers. They are being bribed, I'm sure of it. After a while she won't be able to afford them. Their tastes will get more expensive. :D
Good luck,
possum
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10 and 13 year old girls make many a declaration of things they do not understand. What a perfect opportunity to teach them some good stuff about exceptance of other peoples value's and passions. I know this will pass and the girls will feel silly in time. They will grow.I know this stuff because I had twin gilrs about 24 years ago. They made so many declarations based on idealistic thinking and a childs mentality it wasnt funny. I found myself riding up and down the emotional waves with them untill i finally realized they kept changing. Now that they are 24 years old they are really smart about things and we enjoy each others company.
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10 and 13 year old girls make many a declaration of things they do not understand. What a perfect opportunity to teach them some good stuff about exceptance of other peoples value's and passions. I know this will pass and the girls will feel silly in time. They will grow.I know this stuff because I had twin gilrs about 24 years ago. They made so many declarations based on idealistic thinking and a childs mentality it wasnt funny. I found myself riding up and down the emotional waves with them untill i finally realized they kept changing. Now that they are 24 years old they are really smart about things and we enjoy each others company.
I have a hard time thinking I need to wait that long...it feels like I've lost the only family I will ever have....but I can't win this fight I know.,
I've heard it before that they'll eventually come back wondering why they felt that way to begin with...but it's a long wait for me.
Thanks Everyone!
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Just returned from a week long elk hunt in which a buddy of mine took a nice 6x6 bull. His emotions were running high and he decided to take it to the local taxidermist, even though his wife is very against having mounts on the wall. We joked about it a little and I could tell he was apprehensive about discussing it with her. I haven't heard how the discussion went, but it got me thinking about the subject.
Then I see this post and thought I could share how I have approached this subject with my significant other. My partner and I have been together for almost 10 years and have lived together for six. She does not come from a hunting background and had never lived with mounts on the wall or any of the other items hunters tend to collect. I explained my belief that in any relationship each party has to support and encourage what is important to the other (as long as its legal). I told her to imagine if she took up a hobby like painting or quilting and every time she tried to participate in that hobby, I gave her a hard time and told her it was stupid. I also explained that I was not willing to change who I am, but I was willing to compromise. Since those early days, I have relocated or taken down a few of my mounts, but not all of them. We have recently started building a new home and to my complete surprise, she asked if our new house design would accommodate my mounts on the wall. Pretty cool, I thought. On the flip-side, she recently decided to take up golf. I have tried to be as supportive of her golfing as she has been with my hunting/outdoor lifestyle. I have tried to get her to take up archery and hunting, she has tried it and explained it is not "her thing". I have to respect her honesty.
The things we do in our life, define who we are, good or bad. Explain yourself to your kids, show some willingness to compromise and show some support to them. If that is not good enough, then you have done everything you can and the ball is in their court. If they decide to stop visiting, then that is their decision. I believe as your children mature, they will see that you were correct.
Thanks for listening to my rambling....Hope it all works out for the best.
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thats truely sad,i would probably try to make a comprmise with said family.dont quit being a hunter we are already getting scarce.but if the comprimise dont work try wooing said woman,goodbye ;)