Author Topic: Turkey Camp....now with IOW(ABO)W'S HUMILIATING COPPER TURKEY CALL  (Read 17756 times)

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Offline PrimitiveTim

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #15 on: May 20, 2015, 01:59:56 am »
So I drive through the night from Illinois so that I wouldn't be late to this hunt and when I show up these dudes look at me like they never seen a Floridian before and they start slinging everything in sight at me.  I got hit with arrows, bolos, and even snowballs!  The snowballs hurt the worst though.  I'm thinking this is some kind of yankee western welcoming and starting to second guess the idea of continuing west.  After the harassment ended they kept me well fed although they wouldn't let me sleep anywhere near them and made me sleep in my van which was fine by me cause every person in that camp snored like a herd of bison, shoot, I could hear them in my van 200 yds down the hill.  When I got there it was sunny and 65, the next day it was nothing but overcast and cold.  That ain't my scene so I decided to go into hibernation.  The next morning at 4 AM it sounded like a troop of baboons was banging on my van.  So they dragged me out to sit in the cold and crawl around sneaking up on nothing.  Iowabow kept hearing something "gobble" but never did a turkey show itself.  I knew it was too cold way up here for there to actually be any turkeys.  It didn't sound like no turkey I ever heard.  So after barely escaping frostbite we return and I go back into hibernation.  I wake up on the last day when the sun comes up and they're all looking at me like I'm a turkey.  Long story short, I get clubbed and carried off and I wake up in a warm pot of water that's just getting hotter.  I ain't about getting eaten by no cannibals so I tear out of there like a hyena with its tail on fire and they all just laugh at me.  I try talking to them and they all laughed like it was just a joke.  brb not funny.  Iowabow wants to do one more hunt so I tag along in hope of getting some footage of a decent hunt.  After getting us thoroughly lost he says he thinks turkeys will come by here based on no reasoning at all.  As the sun gets lower it just gets colder and I'm about doze off but the nippy air wouldn't let me doze.  Then out of nowhere a spirit starts crashing through the woods on the ridge behind me.  I sit still by my pine tree and scroll through snapchat on my phone and take a selfie.  Iowabow looks at me and I give him a look that says, "Yo turkey hunting is the worst thing ever."  Finally after hours of sitting quiet he gets up and decides it's time to give up on that evening.  He then looks and me and expresses how he had gotten cold.  Me being upset about his inability to call a turkey in I grin and tell him that I wasn't cold at all and that he's a weenie for getting cold.  I proceed to tell him lies that will make him feel insecure about himself on the way back.  Iowabow was all turned around so I led us back to camp since all he knows how to do is wander around in the woods.  He even pulled out this silly little compass that I'm pretty sure was pointing SSW.  Either way it don't matter since a compass is useless anyway.  When we get back JW has laid out a delicious spread and I gorge myself.  I didn't even use utensils.  I just ate like an animal and got the food in my mouth as fast as possible before anyone else could steal my food.  I can't even really tell you if JW is a good cook or not since the food barely touched my tongue.  The texture was good anyway.  I go down to my van to sleep off the copious amounts sustenance I've consumed.  I threaten Iowabow that if he dare wake me in the morning for one of his silly turkey hunts then I'd strangle him and ship his body back to Iowa where they'd use him as fertilized in a corn field.  Needless to say nobody woke me up.  When I did wake up everybody was gone.  The cars I was parked next to had all disappeared.  Well good, I thought.  I'm gonna get out of these impoverished hills.  Then they all show back up.  I don't even know what they were all doing but i don't want to know either.  So I just kept sleeping and they packed everything up and when they were done I offered to help them.  Jajaja!  tents are dumb, van camping is where it's at!  So yeah that's pretty much what happened.  Don't listen to anyone that says any different.

Florida to Kwajalein to Turkey and back in Florida again.  Good to be home but man was that an adventure!

Offline chamookman

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #16 on: May 20, 2015, 04:21:56 am »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:!
"May the Gods give Us the strength to draw the string to the cheek, the arrow to the barb and loose the flying shaft, so long as life may last." Saxon Pope - 1923.

Offline iowabow

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2015, 09:40:14 am »
Trying to hunt with shaggy the camera man was a real challenge and at one point I had decided to just give up and let my spirit go to the great turkey hunting grounds in the sky. What proceed this frustrating event could only be compared to parenting a distance cousin with ADD. On the way out for the first hunt I was ask so many questions  I lied about where we were going to hunt and drop him I the woods and proceeded down the road but started feeling sorry for Soy and returned and picked them up. Poor Soy volunteered to hold his hand as I reassured Palm Tree Tim that he would not be eaten and in fact was not going to die as we moved through the woods in the dead of night. After sneaking to an overlook and getting set for an ambush Soy and I looked around but couldn't find the beach boy anywhere. Rather than continue the hunt we started searching only to find a frozen floridian balled up in a fetal position and hidden in a rock crack.  Blue, freezing, and clearly suffering the effects of hypothermia we brought him to consciousness just in time. Realizing the dyer state of his condition we abandoned a perfect location to save his life. We realized his van was the only sanctuary where survival in these parts would be possible for a cape man.
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Offline PEARL DRUMS

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2015, 01:31:05 pm »
In bed no later than 1:00 a.m. and up by 3:30 a.m.  Any guess why I fell asleep standing up between Mikey and Soy?

Heck J-Dub that sounds like my typical around home turkey hunt. Too late to bed and too early to rise. Difference being I can nap back at home, these ya-hoo's wont give you that time Im betting!
Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realize we cannot eat money.

Online JW_Halverson

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2015, 03:10:36 pm »
In bed no later than 1:00 a.m. and up by 3:30 a.m.  Any guess why I fell asleep standing up between Mikey and Soy?

Heck J-Dub that sounds like my typical around home turkey hunt. Too late to bed and too early to rise. Difference being I can nap back at home, these ya-hoo's wont give you that time Im betting!

Oh, there was plenty of napping...with a capital K!  Freaking chain gang busting rocks and ooga-boogeying all afternoon!  Every once in a while they would pick up some random scrap of disreputable gravel off the ground and howl like werepoodles about some "amazing point" ....Ooooh, it's a Kladatchinan whangslunkle, look at how bifurclumpled the hurglefunkt is!  The others would get this glazed look like an orangutan in a string theory seminar, nodding their heads and scratching their groins.  Then they would go back to their individual pieces of sandstone, feldspar, or half baked clay and beat away at it out of frustration, mumbling and muttering away to themselves as they bled from every finger.

As for "Primitive Tim", what can I say about the Cape Man?  Didja know his area code for his phone is 321?  As in the final countdown for a rocket flight to space?  Yeah, he comes from Cape Canaveral!  Home of some of the highest technology in he country!  Primitive, yeah right.  He slept in his "VAN", which we figured out was just a reject solid fuel booster rocket housing on wheels.  Yeah, that's primitive, Cape Man!

As for him eating without utensils, thinking we would believe this was part of his "primitive charm", his grandmother called ahead of time and told us not to trust him with anything sharp or pointy.  Sure enough, he has these little scars all over his face in straight lines of four each.  No forks for him!

As for the snoring, he was wrong!  There was no snoring in camp.  That was farting.  I swear those men breathe in thru their noses and out thru their backsides!  Especially the King of Korn, iowabow. 

That photo of Primitive Tim being slung by a pole and carried off is no exaggeration.  It happened.  Just not like he said. That "pot of hot water"?  Well that was a bathtub, something apparently he does hold in true primitive regard!  I AM a kickbutt cook in camp, but there are some ingredients I refuse to handle!!!!



Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline mullet

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #20 on: May 20, 2015, 06:35:56 pm »
Oh, my! I hate it when transplanted Floridians give a bad showing for us Natives. ::)
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Offline PrimitiveTim

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #21 on: May 20, 2015, 10:47:53 pm »
Oh, my! I hate it when transplanted Floridians give a bad showing for us Natives. ::)
Transplanted?  You better watch it!  I'm 3rd gen Floridian! And I'm giving Florida as good a name as it has ever gotten!
Florida to Kwajalein to Turkey and back in Florida again.  Good to be home but man was that an adventure!

Offline iowabow

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #22 on: May 21, 2015, 09:32:40 pm »
Pictured me cooking and JW praying it turns out ok.
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Online JW_Halverson

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #23 on: May 21, 2015, 11:01:25 pm »
Good thing I got a cast iron stomach.
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline crooketarrow

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #24 on: May 22, 2015, 12:13:08 am »
  Can't get any SWEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTER than that.
 I'm going to remember next spring. Can't get any better than bows and spring gobblers.
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Offline iowabow

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #25 on: May 22, 2015, 05:18:15 am »
You better bring your BS armor this is a tuff group.
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Online JW_Halverson

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Re: Turkey Camp
« Reply #26 on: May 22, 2015, 11:26:37 am »
One of the last mornings greeted us with fog, drizzle, and cold.  It generated mixed feelings.  On one hand it was cold and damp with no hope in sight of relief or comfort.  On the other hand, the moisture would dampen the forest floor and the litter upon it, our footsteps would be muffled and our movements hidden in the fog. 

We moved out into the forest and in chopped, terse phrases rapidly sketched out a plan of attack. We chose to split our forces and take two routes in on the suspected enemy position. Both units would move independently and be autonomous scouts.  Militarily, this is folly. But we were unlikely to run into return fire and need to call in reinforcements or backups. This was gonna be a turkey shoot!

Iowabow and kylewayne were going in with a small hook to the right, a more direct route at the position.  I was to take a wide hook to the left, hustling over a more wide open ridgeline, but longer route in order to block their retreat deeper into the Black Hills National Forest.  Our targeted victims had the advantage of being more mobile, with better knowledge of the terrain, and being in significantly better physical condition.  But we had the brains.  Ours approximately three pounds of reasoning, educated, adaptable logic!  Theirs a mere ounce and a half of instinct and hormones, it was breeding season after all!  REPEAT: A turkey shoot!

I broke left and moved out at a dogtrot, leaping downed ponderosa pines, dodging wet saplings ready to shower me with overnight rain, and gaining ground quickly.  I soon picked up a well used deer trail that led me along a fence and up the ridgeline, avoiding the thickest brush and forest.  I made excellent time and found myself in what I believed to be "the pocket".  The pocket is that elusive final bit of territory on all sides of a turkey where you are close enough they can't ignore you, but far enough away and with sufficient cover between that they cannot make you out.  But sunrise showed the enemy to have moved in the night, or possibly going to roost later than we believed after shifting position. 

Not a problem, they were across a sharp hogback ridgeline of granite from me and I could pick up and hustle closer without fear of being seen.  The hen was a miser with her calling, but giving up just enough to telegraph her position.  I made the most of it and called very sparingly, just enough to guide me in like a laser locked smart bomb. 

I had several setups as she moved her small flock around after flydown, feeding and breeding. I stayed in that 40 yard bubble as we moved and counter moved on each other.  One single hen did the talking for the flock, but a gobbler would now and then chime in.  They were crossing back and forth over the ridgeline as they wandered and sometimes on my side, but out of sight, sometimes on the other side and I could get a small saddle between us to make their path as easy as possible. 

But she was a smart and dominant old matron. She kept her poultry platoon in tight formation with no stragglers or bunch quitters!  She was a seasoned first sergeant keeping her butter bar lieutenant gobblers in check, safe as houses. I figured working the boys was off the table as a tactic, and went for her ego.  If they wouldn't leave her for me, I would get her to come to me!

I stopped yelping and whining at the gobbler's odd rattling calls and instead cued off her every utterance.  She'd yelp and I'd quickly jump in and interrupt her with a hotter yelp.  A putt from her would get three putts from my calls, a series of yelps would have me shutting her down with a louder and hotter series.  I was not letting her get a word in edgewise.  If the gobblers were good men that were unwilling to cheat on her, I'd make myself out to be the nastiest skank in the woods and make her wanna run me off!

It got pretty raunchy in those woods, I threw out things from slate calls, box calls, and wingbone calls that no jake should ever hear!  It was XXX calling at it's best!  But DANG, she was stalwart prude.  There was no getting her to come down off that high horse of hers and square off with me.  We worked thru at least 5 set-ups where I would have a shot at under 20 yds if they only came around or thru a visual obstruction.  Some of the screening cover was a curve in the rock wall of the ridgeline, sometimes a clump of doghair pines.

The last setup had them less than 20 yds away.  Close enough that I could make out the sounds of the birds scratching in the pine duff searching for bugs, grubs, seeds and seedlings.  I laughed to myself and thought, "fix bayonets, boys, let's charge them!"  I decided to back it down to soft purring, clucking, and gentle flock talking like I was one of the crowd keeping in touch with the others.  We'd pretty well used up all our moves in this "dance off", and my last option was to hope my feeding calls would make 'em think I had hit a pocket of extra tastey morsels.  Maybe they would wander over to share in the bounty. 

We held our individual positions for a good half hour.  My heart and lungs recovered from exertions, allowing my brain to process better, to stop playing catch-up and start paying attention.  The hen sounded good.  True and blue, good variety of calls, all of them pretty realistic.  But the Tom's call was beginning to unravel in my mind.  It was a little high pitched.  The rhythm was too quick and mechanical.  More and more I began to pick it apart, to analyze it and find fault.  I became convinced I had just worked a couple of turkey hunters into position and we had a stalemate! 

We had a rock outcropping between us, and scooching back a little allowed me to stay even further back from an accidental shot to the face.  The morning coffee was really kicking in and I stood, stretched and prevented forest fires in my immediate vicinity.  But my sudden silence was stirring the other hunter's curiosity and they upped their call rate.  I gathered my calls together in my belt pack, shifted my pack into position and readied to slip out safely without messing them up.  But I couldn't resist a last parting call.  Out came the purpleheart lidded box call and I hit it hard with that "shave and a haircut....TWO BITS" rhythm.  I had done that earlier in the week when Iowabow and I had sneaked in and set up on Mikey and soy.  It says "turkey hunter" to a human, but doesn't really spook a real bird.  Great way to clear up any confusion between parties.

Silence.  Just the dripping of rain off the ponderosas.  The occasional 'yank yank yank' call of the nuthatches, and a pair of crows off in the distance haw-hawing over something they found funny.  I could imagine two hunters leaning in to whisper, trying to figure what the heck they had just heard.  Now, I knew it was not iowabow and kylewayne because neither was carrying a gobbler call, so this had to be some unknown party.  I started to ease over the ridgeline quietly to put some distance between us. At the top, my boot slipped on a loose rock and it rolled off the ridge making a loud crash.  My eye followed it and there was a shocking sight I had utterly dismissed as impossible.

Yup, boss hen was 15 yds away and she was followed by 4 red headed birds!  Likely the gobble calling was only a jake, his voice not yet fully changed and into his sweet Irish tenor range.  There I was, fully exposed for what I was....the invading enemy in the heart of their sovereign lands.  Busted, busted fair, and it was all on my shoulders. 

Later that same day, kylewayne and I got a set on some birds and again it was hens with jakes.  We've had poor hatches the last few years and numbers are down.  Shooting a 4 yr old bird is not going to change future populations, but popping a jake takes a breeder out of the equation for the next few years.  Normally, a jake is not an unethical choice, but for now they are all getting a pass from me.  I don't need to kill a bird at all costs. As much as I want the fletching, wingbones for calls, as well as a little tender stir fry gobbler, I want them around next year breeding the hens. 

Yeah, I did it all perfectly.  Located, set up, worked hard, good position, but in the end it was my overthinking that did me in.  Maybe one of the gobblers was an adult and fair game, maybe not.  By busting them, I lost the opportunity to find out for sure.  Bested by a bird with a brain the size of a shelled pecan.....again. Like walking into a gunfight without even a knife.
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline iowabow

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Re: Turkey Camp....now with graphic details of an amazing stalk!
« Reply #27 on: May 22, 2015, 01:15:40 pm »
Another wonderful story. Beautifully written. But that's not exactly how it ended. Could the author, Paul Harvey,  please now tell "the rest of the story"? Including the pine cone?
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Online JW_Halverson

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Re: Turkey Camp....now with graphic details of an amazing stalk!
« Reply #28 on: May 22, 2015, 06:19:42 pm »
We will leave my friend, Coney, out of this.  Coney is the only friend I have now.  You have all let me down.  When I was scared and alone, who comforted me?  Coney

When I was without support and succor, who was there at my side?  Coney.

When I was desperate and reaching out for anything, ANYTHING AT ALL, who was at my side?  Coney, the pine cone.

Shut your dirty mouth, you flatlander, you hypo-copper-crit*!!!!





Hey everyone, ask Mr Iowaboy about his one of a kind, custom made, ALL COPPER TURKEY CALL!!!!!!!!
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline iowabow

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Re: Turkey Camp....now with graphic details of an amazing stalk!
« Reply #29 on: May 22, 2015, 08:54:57 pm »
Jw was welll....lost and Kyle and I had to find him in the woods just before dark. And yes it was a pine cone that gave him comfort during this tragic time while he was lost in the hills.
(:::.) The ABO path is a new frontier to the past!