Author Topic: Lucky to be still here  (Read 6901 times)

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Offline Will Tell

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Lucky to be still here
« on: September 01, 2014, 03:00:28 pm »
I was a younger but stii a grown man when this happened to me. I was enjoying a nice OCtober afternoon about 20 feet off the ground in a tree stand. It was one of those perfect days, Squirells and chipmunks running collecting nuts. I thought I heard a scratching noise and it seemed very close. The noise kept getting louder when I turned to look behind me. There was a red eyed savage Squirell about 6 inches from my nose. He let out a bark that sounded like a hound from hell dying and showed me his 4 inch fangs. Well I can tell you folks I was looking death in the eyes, I jumped and knocked my bow and quiver out of the tree. There I was with no weapon but lucky enough not to have fallen out of the tree. Than he was gone, which made me more nervous. It took a good 30 minutes to calm down enough to climb down to get my bow and figured I'd hunt from the ground the rest of the day. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Offline Dharma

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2014, 03:34:08 pm »
This is why when hunting, it pays to have a Cold Steel Trailmaster knife on your belt in case you have to engage savage critters in hand-to-hand combat. Then you could have easily lopped off his head and cleaned it out, dyed the skull with red ochre, and mounted the skull on your quiver. With the right chants done over it, it would be a powerful hunting charm to protect you against other critters. I can't tell you the chants to be said over the skull since you have to compose those yourself while burning a mixture of dried pine needles, oak leaves, and Port Orford Cedar shaft shavings. But if you don't use Port Orford Cedar, you can use the shaft shavings of your last batch of arrows. If you threw away those shavings, you will need to make another set and save those shavings and, from then on, never throw shaft shavings into the trash or the medicine will be rendered ineffective. From then on, shafts shavings must be used in this smudging mixture or left upon the ground outside beneath an evergreen tree under a full moon that causes coyotes to howl. Anyway, you have to burn this mixture in a stone bowl or an ivory white seashell. You pass your bow several times over the smoke and the bow then tells you the chants. Trust me, this works. But you can't ever share the chants or they lose their power. It's ok for your arrows to hear the chants and the bow already knows them since he/she told them to you.

The skulls of larger critters can be done the same way, except a deer skull is too heavy to hang on your quiver and the antlers snag on tree limbs going through brush. That skull you must hang on your wall and place arrows on the antlers. Any arrow that passed through game must be put there as well as "Robin Hooded" arrows (both the arrow struck and the arrow that did the striking.) If anyone asks what that means and why the skull is there, they must be told that it costs 100 shafts to find out and that if so much as one shaft cannot be made into an arrow, they cannot be told. For this skull, you have to make another chant for it and this chant must include mention of arrows that strike rock-hard tree stumps yet do not break. And, again, it must be painted in red ochre. While you are painting the skull, you cannot listen to any music that discusses fire in any way whatsoever.

If you do all of these things, you will find your hunting and shooting to be much better. You will not be troubled by rogue animals or human beings trying to picnic under your treestand.
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2014, 04:03:00 pm »
This is why when hunting, it pays to have a Cold Steel Trailmaster knife on your belt in case you have to engage savage critters in hand-to-hand combat. Then you could have easily lopped off his head and cleaned it out, dyed the skull with red ochre, and mounted the skull on your quiver. With the right chants done over it, it would be a powerful hunting charm to protect you against other critters. I can't tell you the chants to be said over the skull since you have to compose those yourself while burning a mixture of dried pine needles, oak leaves, and Port Orford Cedar shaft shavings. But if you don't use Port Orford Cedar, you can use the shaft shavings of your last batch of arrows. If you threw away those shavings, you will need to make another set and save those shavings and, from then on, never throw shaft shavings into the trash or the medicine will be rendered ineffective. From then on, shafts shavings must be used in this smudging mixture or left upon the ground outside beneath an evergreen tree under a full moon that causes coyotes to howl. Anyway, you have to burn this mixture in a stone bowl or an ivory white seashell. You pass your bow several times over the smoke and the bow then tells you the chants. Trust me, this works. But you can't ever share the chants or they lose their power. It's ok for your arrows to hear the chants and the bow already knows them since he/she told them to you.

The skulls of larger critters can be done the same way, except a deer skull is too heavy to hang on your quiver and the antlers snag on tree limbs going through brush. That skull you must hang on your wall and place arrows on the antlers. Any arrow that passed through game must be put there as well as "Robin Hooded" arrows (both the arrow struck and the arrow that did the striking.) If anyone asks what that means and why the skull is there, they must be told that it costs 100 shafts to find out and that if so much as one shaft cannot be made into an arrow, they cannot be told. For this skull, you have to make another chant for it and this chant must include mention of arrows that strike rock-hard tree stumps yet do not break. And, again, it must be painted in red ochre. While you are painting the skull, you cannot listen to any music that discusses fire in any way whatsoever.

If you do all of these things, you will find your hunting and shooting to be much better. You will not be troubled by rogue animals or human beings trying to picnic under your treestand.

Anyone picnicing under my tree stand stands a high chance of a rare meteorological oddity known as highly localized late season warm showers.
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline Will Tell

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2014, 04:14:50 pm »
Sounds like some good advice Dharma but  finding a arrow that passed through Robin Hood might be a tall order.lol

Offline Zuma

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2014, 11:26:09 am »
Heck I'd take my chanses grinnin that sucker. If it drew my blood
I'd just scream and jump. Much less complicated.
Better Nate than Lever.
Zuma
If you are a good detective the past is at your feet. The future belongs to Faith.

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2014, 11:41:37 am »
We got a lot of those bloodthirsty killer squirrels in my neighborhood, that's why I got a dog.  They'll get her first and give me time to run into the house and hide under the covers.
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline JoJoDapyro

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2014, 01:18:21 pm »
I was squirrel hunting once, shot a few and was taking them back to camp to eat. One of them must have been playing dead, He crawled out of the game pouch in my vest and went right for the face. Scared the hell out of me. Now I make sure they are dead first.
If you always do what you always did you'll always get what you always got.
27 inch draw, right handed. Bow building and Knapping.

Offline Dharma

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2014, 01:21:12 pm »
These squirrels were genetically engineered by the U.S. military as part of Project Bucktooth. This was to be a series of genetically-altered animals to be used as weapons on the battlegrounds of the future. The squirrels, codenamed Banzai Bushytails, were designed as an anti-sniper weapon to deny the enemy snipers the use of trees as a sniper's nest. Then there was Eager Beaver, a super-beaver used to dam up rivers and flood out enemy positions. But by far the most sinister was Heatseeking Skunk, which were genetically-enhanced skunks that could seek out the heat from a human body. Their scent was amped up to 100 times over the normal smell. These could be airdropped on enemy positions to force them to vacate and for area-denial operations. However, Heatseeking Skunk violated the international treaties against chemical weapons, so that one had to be scrapped. But due to a mishap, the Banzai Bushytails escaped from the government lab and this is why normal looking skunks are so aggressive.
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline JoJoDapyro

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2014, 01:23:23 pm »
Just like the Spy Cats and Incendiary bats?
If you always do what you always did you'll always get what you always got.
27 inch draw, right handed. Bow building and Knapping.

Offline Dharma

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2014, 01:57:29 pm »
And also the Killer Catfish, which were catfish genetically hybridized with sharks. They were to be used in river-travel denial operations. The catfish would eat enemy river patrol boats, crew and all. Unfortunately, some Southern boys got into the top secret compound one night armed with bowfishing gear and wiped out three billion dollars worth of research and development within an hour. They reported the catfish tasted pretty good dredged in cornmeal and deep fried, but the meat was a little tough.
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #10 on: September 03, 2014, 02:42:27 pm »
Yeah, yuck it up all you want. Go ahead and make fun of this situation, but anyone with half a brain knows of the Animal Conspiracy.  It's all documented.  It is all public knowledge. Go to vaguebuttrue.com and see for yourselves.
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline NeolithicMan

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #11 on: September 03, 2014, 03:23:44 pm »
Its horror stories like this that make small game hunting a nessecity in my area. Those little buggers have no problem running up a hunters leg, creepying across a stand/blind and screeching directly into hunters ears! I take it as my duty to lay my life on the line to clear out a few hunting spots of these red, grey and striped devils! good for the pot an even better for the hunt! You southern boys think hogs are bad!?! just wait until the poofy tailed demons come a callin'!!!

 :laugh:

John, 40-65# @ 28" Central New York state. Never enough bows, never enough arrows!

Offline Dharma

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #12 on: September 03, 2014, 03:40:25 pm »
You have to use a 120lbs. draw English warbow and case-hardened bodkins to bring down jackrabbits in these parts.
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #13 on: September 03, 2014, 04:00:25 pm »
You have to use a 120lbs. draw English warbow and case-hardened bodkins to bring down jackrabbits in these parts.

 A nice pair of Harris hawks would take care of that, too. One stays in the air and the other will chase the jack out from under the bushes! 
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline Will Tell

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Re: Lucky to be still here
« Reply #14 on: September 03, 2014, 04:35:40 pm »
It's all fun and games until one of your kids come up missing. That Squirell would of killed a full grown African Lion, a mere mortal man doesn't stand a snowballs chance in He!!o. Look to the trees next time you think your safe in the woods and you'll realize it could be you next. Stone points from a self bow would bounce off that Devils spawn. Armor piercing ammo from a large caliber rifle is what it's going to take. Hear me well folks, if you see one there is a hundred more you didn't see. Good luck this year and shoot for the eyes, the only sure way to kill them.