Not real sure what is inspiring me to write this post, possibly just wanting to air my feelings out. I really feel like I have just spinning my wheels lately and not getting anywhere. Seems like life is doing what it does best to bring everything together in a perfect storm to try to bear down on me. There's just a whole list of things coming together right now that have got me a little down and out which is partly why I've been on a bit of a hiatus around here lately. As some of you may have seen in another post my dad has been battling some health stuff lately and to go along with the stress I feel with that as it is, is the added stress of me having to mostly run things around the shop to make sure we get some jobs done that are in the works. On top of that his mother just landed back in the hospital today after having a second (and more severe) stroke. We've all just been kind of waiting on this as she has gotten to the point of losing blood due to being on blood thinners while having diverticulitis or stroking out because of a clot. My parents are her primary care taker so they have been under the stress of all that as well.
Besides this I'm having a bit of a career crisis at the moment as it looks like our shop will be slowing down and I seek other employment. Since graduating college I have lost track of the jobs I have applied for, both inside and outside my degree, and have constantly come up without an offer. While this has not bothered me so much, my wife asks me fairly regularly about job hunting and have also felt pressure from the in laws who don't seem to approve of the fact that their daughter the nurse is the major bread winner in the house. My wife is also talking about wanting another child which I am more than happy to do but it adds pressure to find something more stable career wise so she can cut back hours to stay home more. I've been more of the stay at home dad with our current child, which has not bothered me so much, it has allowed me to become super close to my little girl. But I can tell my wife wants that a little more which means I've got to find some better employment.
Adding further to my frustrations is my difficulty getting back into traditional bow making. Before my daughter was born I was doing work regularly and stockpiling resources and had turned out several bows in a short matter of time. Since taking a couple years off I've found myself having a hard time getting the feel back for hitting specific targets of draw length and weight. The main reason this is bothering me is the Bow trade which I became a part of. I feel like I'm on plan Q at this point and am getting frustrated by me rushing and taking off too much wood and missing weight. I've had glue ups randomly split down the center after sitting fine for two weeks or more. Splinters have pulled, staves have turned out to be unusable...just getting a little frustrated by it all at the moment.
I did at least today get another glue up going and am hopeful of the new plan. I've also got several other staves set aside which are in random stages of completion. Honestly at this point if it wasn't for the fact that Gordon spent a ton of effort making that vine maple bow specifically for me and if it fit my recipients specs I'd send it off as I am feeling less and less deserving at the moment of owning such a beautiful bow.
Part of me is wondering if I should just hang up the draw knife after this trade and pass out the rest of my stockpiles to whoever is able to get to them. Things just seem like they are moving too fast right now for me to get to spend the time I want working this labor of love craft. Not to mentioned I occasionally get encouragement to pursue a hobby that does not take up quite so much space
The one thing that is a bit of good news right now is my selling of some farm land that I was planning on building on at some point until the county came in and decided to create a crazy land use plan that would cause me to have to jump through entirely too many hoops just to have them tell me exactly where on that piece of property I could build. While it hurts a little to think about selling the land I had dreamed about for as long as I can remember of building on, the thought of it alleviating the major portion of debt that we've accrued as a young family helps to ease the sting.
Here's to hoping the current job application yields results, the current trade bow gives me a spot on spec shooter, and that life manages to slow down long enough to let me catch my breath.
Thanks to those who took the time to read this. Again, not sure what prompted me to write it but it feels good to have gotten it out there.
Hope everyone is having a good week
Kip
