Being a Bachelor

[brian melton]

    I will just say, they (women) are a confusing critter, it's no wonder why men spend as much time trying to figure out the whitetail deer........most have not figured them out yet (the deer) and just when you think you do, WELL you know......just like women

[Eric Krewson]

My first wife hit the road assured that the married guy she was seeing was going to leave his wife for her, he didn't.

I spent 7 years as a bachelor making good money and doing what ever I wanted to. I was always looking for another wife during this time but it took a while to find the right person, I found her 27 years ago.

I really enjoy my solitude when she visits her kids for a week or so and settle back bachelor mode quite quickly. Hunting every day, going to movies by myself, making a mess in the kitchen and not cleaning it up until I feel like it, that sot of thing.

It does take me a day or so to transition back to married couples mode when she returns but she is a keeper.

[Badger]

  Probably nothing better than a good marriage, sadly it doesn't work out for everybody. I certainly didn't mean to come off like marriage was bad. I think the ideal marriage would be one where each person still maintained their own passions and dreams. I know I spent too much time with my bird dogs and my buddies, I would change that if I had a chance but I doubt it would have done much good in my case. I really believe happiness is an inside job married or not. I heard a guy say on a radio show one time that when people fall in love they actually fall in love with the way they feel about themselves when they are with that other person. Men like to feel like they are respected, I have heard the greatest compliment a woman can pay to a man is to simply listen to what he is saying. I have found I get along better with women who have plenty of interests and passions that have nothing to do with me, it might be business or something creative like art or writing, doesn't really matter as long as I don't become their hobby LOL. I know I feel good about myself when I can encourage someone to be the best person they can be and at some level we can share our accomplishments with each other, however modest they may be. I guess different things work for different folks. Steve

[Josh]

well-put Steve.  I really like this thread.

[Dane]

I think if you cant be happy with yourself, you are going to have a hard time being happy with anyone else.

Romance is fine, but in the end, friendship with your spouse / partner is more important.

One of the things I have learned from being married is that what you lack the other can bring to the partnership. My wife tends to be very serious and even dour, and I am stupid silly and like to laugh, and make her laugh. I suck at banking and paying bills, so she does that. I cook 100% of the time, she burns water. I tend to be much better at housekeeping, and she is better at other things. Oddly, our traditional gender rolls are reversed a lot of the time, but it works fine for us.

Marriage / romantic relationships really are give and take, and if you give far more than you take, or visa versa, there is something wrong with the blance of the relationship.

As others have said, seperate lives and interests are a good thing. If you are entwined 100% in the other, you loose a big part of yourself. I had a buddy who's wife was slowly eliminating the things he loved from his life, and I could see that it was not going to end well.

I guess in the end, those who are happy alone, for a few hours or a lifetime, are far stronger and happier overall. Alone doesnt have to mean lonely.

Dane

[Badger]

   Greg, I don't envy what you are going through right now. I could have written that exact same post 15 years ago. It seemd everything I did was based on how she might respond to it. Will a girlfriend make her jealous and come back home? Will a new style of clothes get her to look at me again? will this new job, etc etc. Nothing I did was about me anymore. I will share some of the good advice I got back then and skip the tons of bad advice I got. An old man told me I needed to become an actor, even if it didn't come natural if I kept acting it would eventually came natural. Someone else told me to pray that no matter what or who she was with that my ex would be happy, even if I didn't mean it say that prayer everyday, ( I had to say it about every 5 min).
One of the most important was to make a simple decision that had nothing to do with my ex, I decided I was going to just live my own life and be happy inspite of how much I still loved and missed her. I started working on my bucket list, lots of little things I wanted to do but never had time.
    Don't worry about meeting girls, I am about as ugly as ugly gets and I have had more woman than I could possibly handle after the first year, I stayed celibate most of the first year simply because I had no interest. My e email is Badger5149@aol.com if you feel like talking, it certainly doesn't hurt. Steve

[madcrow]

I guess I am a beginner at being single.  I was married to the same woman for 20 years.  We never fought, but there just wasnt any love to be felt and personally i was miserable.  Then I found out she had been meeting with a man she met on the internet.  We tried to work that one out but it failed.  I gave her several chances to give it up and go back to the way things were, but she just couldnt give up the other men.  So on my birthday (May 2) I finished packing and left.  It is surprising that I really have not missed her, I haven't been down about anything.  She pretty much detested my hobbies and thought they were a waste of time unless I was giving her the money that I was making from them.  You never know how much bone, stone, and wood you have til you move out.  The good news is that I have met a woman now that seems to be my soulmate.  I have been out of the house for 2 months now and for the first time in many years, I am happy.  The new girlfriend is intrigued and very interested in my paleo hobbies, moreso in the end result than the whole process, but she will set and watch me make an arrowhead.  I hope it all works out for all of you, whetether you are married or single.  Being happy is the main thing.